It seems ministry isn't meant to be easy. What do you do with a program that has hit its stride, produced much fruit, and is now struggling to recover its vision? What is the key to teaching the gospel that makes it come from the heart when your literal heart is pounding at 200mph and choking the life out of you? What do you do when you want to stop sharing the love of God because your audience isn't listening? How do you reach out to a small group of people you care deeply about but don't understand their heart language? How do you go about admitting your past sins humbly when people you know don't care about you ask in order to tear you down? How do you prepare yourself for heartache?
I'm not asking these questions to be a Debbie-downer. I am asking out of a heart that loves its Savior and knows its utter dependence on Him, but is still struggling to keep from breaking. I love being here, my times with God, waking up thinking how I'm going to serve him today...but then going to bed saying "What am I doing here? Lord, you must've sent the wrong person because I'm not able to wave your banner under these kind of attacks."
Again-I'm not depressed! I'm wrestling with God. Any and all of your prayers for wisdom and peace would be an encouragement to me.
On the side of blessings from God: Becca, my roommate, is an absolute angel of mercy. She's been kind, supportive, generous, and a real joy to my heart. Also: Samuel and Sarah. These three keep me sane. So do my long walks around Kilkeel...it is so beautiful. I'm getting more things to plan and places to be so I'm staying busy and engaged in the ministry here. God is doing a work here...I've just come in at a transition time that's inevitably leaving some holes.
Much love and grace to you all,
"For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken. On God rests my salvation and my glory; my mighty rock, my refuge is God. Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us." Psalm 62: 5-8